I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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