is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
