weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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