Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
soo... how was my night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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