hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
