I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
