every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
