can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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