There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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