1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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