you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
