i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
