The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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