Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
