If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
