Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
