If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
