Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
