There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
