Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
