this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
