Will you blow on my dice?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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