Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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