i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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