I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
