I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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