Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
