I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
send nudes
from the living room?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
