Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
