I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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