You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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