oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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