Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm like, not good at living.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
