Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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