Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
