I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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