my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
