I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
