True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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