think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
