Kiss
Puke
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
