last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
