then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
