Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
