It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
