its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
