I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
