We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
