Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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