the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I need a hoe opinion
go on
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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