So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
